ACT 2 will be released one chapter per day. Here’s your email notification option.
As I stated on the ABOUT page, one of my motivations for conducting the lit experiment is to fee d out a number of ideas, about how we can build a better world, that I have failed to move forward over the years. Some of those are innovative biz ideas, others are systemic reform ideas. In ACT 1 I wove three of thos ideas into the story, in chapters 6, 9, and 13.
I also teased an idea I call Commonwealth several times.For your possible amusement, here is a Yahoo News report on my fialed attempt to get the idea to Richard Branson.
Commonwealth is revealed to the public, for the first time,in ACT 2. But I have broken the idea up, in attempt to keep the story from bogging down.
For those of you who are interested in the idea, here is a separate page where it is presented exactly as I have pitched it as a conceptual proposal.
This particular version was put together for POSTMEDIA, which is by far the largest newspaper conglomeration in Canada, so it contains Canadianisms that will be lost on those of you who don;t know nothing ’bout Canada. But if you’re clever enough to understand the idea itself, you’ll have no trouble disregarding the alien nomenclature.
Now, with no further ado, here’s ACT 2, boop-bopp-beedoo!
“…only the sci-fi geeks are clever enough to find a way to move us beyond money.”
“My friends in weird places might kill us all. In fact, they just might do that before this is all over, for one reason, or another, or just for the Hell of it.”
Madonna knew the answer, “We don’t do business with the big guys. The fuckers won’t have anything to sell.”
Madonna grinned, and feigned protestation, “I’m a good Catholic girl.”
“Sure… according to Zappa’s definition of what a good Catholic girl is,” laughed King.
“How much bigger is this idea?”
Lance smiled, “Within a year, we have our own bank, the largest in the world. Within five, we have our own sovereign nation.”
Over and over they fought for dominance, pulling each other’s hair, grunting and howling like rutting beasts. It wasn’t love making; it was ritualistic Klingon mutual rape.
Kitty wore not a stitch, as she hot-footed it through a Dali-esque forest on the northern bank of the Pigeon River.
Then, as quickly as you can say, ‘Jesus Fucking Christ.’ Jesus’ head was rolling on the ground, and his feet were playing football with it.
“Given how many of the chosen people will die after gathering to pray for protection, I wonder if anyone has considered accusing orthodox leaders of being Nazis.”
To be more specific, Madonna was wondering if Kitty already knew that she wanted to fuck Lance, and was already making plans to do just that.
“Gallant knights don’t fuck and run, leaving damsels out of dress in distress, with a bun in the oven.”
She was thinking ‘I’ll put a stiletto rigt through your esophagus,’
“But I’ll give you one last chance. I advise you to walk away, or I’ll open you up like a pig on the killing floor.”
“Oh, c’mon” King sneered. “Is that what you’ve got? Is that all you’ve got?|”
“Don’t you think we should produce a reality TV show from inside a slaughterhouse, Stephen? You’d be the perfect host”
“Madonna asked King, “So, what hurt more; losing the million bucks, or the humiliation?”
And here came Kitty Kaboodle, vegan crusader, hottie heroine, friend and defender of animals one more time, screaming down the helter skelter slide, like death from above, with all guns blazing.
“Unable to produce enough murder for every table, the braindead meatheads said, “Let them eat dog. And cat. And rat. And bat. And anything else that bleeds!”
When Kitty’s pretty little ass disappeared from sight, Madonna asked King, “So, what hurt more; losing the million bucks, or the humiliation?”
“The whole thing started when it became apparent that a Trump presidency was a real possibility. We knew he would be divisive. We thought that he might inadvertently do to the USA, what Gorbachev did to the USSR, namely fragment it. Balkanize it.
“You gonna make sure the tape is erased?”
“If he hasn’t already made a copy for himself, yes. I am going to protect the girl.”
“I would die a happy man if I could ever be one of your dancers. In a concert, or a video.”
“Are you gay?”
“Do I have to be?”
“Well, it wouldn’t hurt your chances.”
Madonna knew damn well her boyfriend wanted to see the girl get down and dirty. It comes with the dick, after all.
“The insanity of it all,” Miss Kaboodle said in wonder. “What a strange species
What a mad, mad world.”
Kitty looked at Madge and wondered how many blowjobs Commonwealth would have saved her from having to administer, and grinned.
“But if they’ll pay five bucks for a coffee, they’ll pay five bucks for a book, or album, or film. They won’t have a choice. They can’t force us to give them what we create.”
“Woman have been fantasizing about castrating men as long as men have been fantasizing about raping women.”
There was no mistaking the fact that the sexagenarian was being saucy, and Lance grew aroused, and horrified, simultaneously.
“Max was vile rich white trash. He used to have a large photo of him and OJ Simpson laughing their idiot heads off rigt above his desk.”
King, who had just been talking to his friend in weird places about Salmi, laughed a little nervously, and said, “Good luck with that.”
“What you need to understand, when it comes to Commonwealth, is that 99 cents of every dollar we ever pull in will be earned simply by starting the enterprise”
“Yes, but if a Mexican drug cartel leader wants to buy the Aussie’s book, for ten bucks, where’s the harm?”
“We’re going to see Bjork?” Kitty squealed. “I love Bjork!”
“Iceland has no military, so we just recruit a bunch of gun nuts, and take the island?”
“Without art, earth is just eh,” Madonna reminded everyone.
“Yes,” laughed Kitty, “but if you add sex, it’s fuckin’ eh!”
“After attempting to compete with Youtube, with Google Video, Google gave it up, and purchased Youtube for $1.65 billion, about a decade ago. Present value is estimated at $160 billion. And we are going to completely destroy it, using nothing but pennies.
“The Attorney General of the ‘Show Me’ state has climbed up on his hind legs, pointed a cloven hoof at Beijing, and commanded, ‘Show me the money, chinky-chinky Chinaman!’”
“So, when he appears in the confession booth, the priest is surprised. And when he confesses to a murder, the priest is shocked.”
Miss Ciccone did not deny the accusation that she wants to rule the roost at the Vatican. In fact, she laughed manically, and confessed, with an absence of contrition, “It has always been my wet dream.”
Kitty agreed. “Agreed. He can wear one of her bras as a mask, although one of Dolly’s wouldn’t be big enough to cover that yapper of his, but never mind that. ”
It’s always heartening to know that something that fired off in this massive, festering mess of looming dementia in my head has triggered a few moments of laughter for someone, somewhere!”
Stephen sat back, entranced. Two tasty tarts flirting with each other was about the best floor show an old man could hope for in a family restaurant.
“Do you seriously think she has to fuck a guy, or three of them, to get them to do what she wants them to do?”
“He makes a small fortune, which he doesn’t even need, peddling bunk Viagra around the world.”
“Bunk Viagra made in China?”
“Yes. Even better; it’s all made in Wuhan.”
Pulling up a seat at the table, Lance looked at his father and said, “This girl is the Dorothy Parker of gaming.”
“I hate one-eyed, one-horned flying purple people eaters. Actually, I kinda like them, because, like me, they don’t discriminate. They just fly around eating anyone and everyone.”
The boy looked at the girl with a mischievous grin, and confessed, “My mind was all over Madonna.”
The girl found the confession amusing, and asked, “Were you surfing stepmother porn?”
“Drunk hockey! You don’t get on the ice unless you’re loaded. Goal scorers are breathalyzed on the spot. If they’re not legally drunk, no goal
Eric the elder responded on behalf of the troika. Forgetting that it was actually Stephen’s idea, he said, “Thank you, Miss Kitty. It’s Madonna’s idea, so it’s a no brainer.” Kitty laughed at the mangled compliment, but didn’t bother to point it out.
“That’s funny, because we always wanted to see the Williams sisters fight the Klitschko brothers!”
The horse caught everyone’s attention, but it was the creature that strode by its side that all fixated on.
Jock talk jabberwocky
jibber jabber blither blather
you can have it, doesn’t matter
pitter patter, let’s get at ‘er, yeah?
“For anything that is not rooted in love is bound to fail, in the end, and should fail, before it does irreparable damage.
“So, when cyber Love School rolls out, and spreads around the world, we might break the Internet.”
“Please, carry on, but I’ve already awarded you a bushel of Emmys in my mind.”
“With apologies to those of us who are afflicted with the Y chromosome, I believe only a woman could come up with what you’ve come up with, and only a woman can passionately lord over it to ensure that no man will stick his dick into it, and fuck it up.”
“The idea that finding a soulmate is nothing more than swiping rigt until your wrist throbs so badly that you sigh, and say, ‘Good enough’ is so banal, so thoroughly devoid of imagination and charm that Eros would weep, and drink a pint of pure hemlock extract if she were watching.”
Smiling, first at Margot, then at everyone else, Kitty said, “Banksy.” Margot grinned and nodded her confirmation.
“There is no time in the tunnel. Time does not exist. You come out the same time you went in”
“Margot, are you one hundred percent certain that you came out of the tunnel the same time you went in?”
“Is it even possible for Canadians to be impolite?” Madonna wanted to know.
Lance cracked, “Every fucktard in the world is in a hurry to die these days. Wouldn’t bother me, but they wanna take the rest of us with them.”
“Well, I would pass a law so that everyone in the building with a gun, rigt then and there, could sell their guns to the government for a million dollars a piece.”
“Well, I saw a pic of the white dude, and he is butt ugly, so I think the real story is this.”
“It’s funny because most people freak out, as if Morgan Freemen, pretending to be God, was pointing at ‘em, and saying they’re the Grand Wizard of the KKK.”
“It’s like a cow escaping the slaughterhouse, and walking in it a butcher shop.”
Artists are lazy-assed weirdoes, and they always wanna change my story.”
“Tom Bombadil? That’s funny!”
“Great. Get your clothes off, and get Daisy to help you up on my girl, Karma. Don’t worry; she’s as gentle as can be. I’ll go get my camera.”
“Yes,” Kitty confirmed. “She was created by Stephen. And she has come from the darkness, to the light, to watch over us.”
“And it is rumoured that every guy in LaSalle lost their virginity to one of the three, but none of them ever knew which one”
“But information is a commodity, and a weapon, and the more of it you have, the better your chances of succeeding.”
“Well, you left her alone, in the dark, for fifty years, so it’s understandable that she has withered. I suspect Ponce de Leon’s fabled fountain is not to be found in the darkness.”
Madonna twitched. Her eyes blinked rapidly for four seconds, then she asked, “What the fuck was that? What just happened?”
“Thanks, Daisy. I’m sure it’s not a problem, but you better bring Madonna six more of whatever she’s drinking. Tell her Gaga sent ‘em.”
“They can stick it in their asses for all I care, Miss Margot, pardon my French. I’m gonna send the first one to Trump. He’ll be all about it. I’ll cut him in for a piece of the action.”
“There’s a sillysaurus living inside her head. He’s big, and purple, and has a long neck. And he just runs around all night, pulling levers and laughing.”
“The money and scientific genius we have all pissed away on militarism, when we could have been using it to fight poverty, and find cures for diseases that ravage us daily, never mind in a pandemic, is nothing less than a scathing indictment of our priorities as a species.”
“It’s real easy. Y’all still use the Fahrenheit scale down under, but we use Celsius. So, when you cross the border, you gotta convert. So, how old are you in Fahrenheit years?”
“But, once, when Steve was taking me to see penguins in Antarctica, I had kangaroos bouncing around in my subconscious mind. We came out in neither Australia, nor Antarctica.”
“Where did you come out?” Lance asked.
“Cairo,” was the answer. “Another time, we ended up in India.”
“Bruins suck!” Margot laughed. “But I will inform you if your losers made a move!”
“You’ll have to mortgage your house to get a playoff ticket,” Eric said.
“Yeah, Bruins suck, coach!” Then he doubled down, by adding, “And so do the Pats, Sox, and Celtics, so go pawk the caw in Hawvawd Yawd.”
“Oh, Hell no, coach,” Marc laughed. “We’d all get beaten up, and run out of town, if any one of us ever brought the Lady Byng back to Thunder!”
“Don’t worry, kid,” Eric said, holding up his fists, “we don’t have the foil on.”
“VoV was waiting for us, before we got to Wuhan. She told us the lab had just been evacuated.”
King’s other abandoned creation looked at him, and asked, “Do you remember what story you left him in? Was it dark?”
Madonna was the first to laugh, but Stephen wasn’t far behind. “Kitty and Lance may be too young to remember, but there was a time, not so long ago, when we all managed to live without having a computer the size of a Pop Tart in our hands, transfixing us like a hypnotist’s swinging watch.”
“In every corner of this planet, people are pondering, probably for the first time, the insanity of the world we live in, and the roles they are playing in it.