134 – SILLYSAURUS ON PSYCHEDELICS 3

 

When the citizens of the twin towns of Fort William and Port Arthur voted, in 1970, to merge their burgs into a single municipal jurisdiction, they did not settle on the name Thunder Bay based on an affection for hyperbole.

When Nanibijou gets pissy because the little Mrs. chose to while away a day watching soaps, instead of preparing dinner for him, things get loud on the north shore of Lake Superior.

Judging by the ferocity of the thunder boomer that exploded over Candy Mountain, on a night that had been clear and tranquil, one might suspect that the Indian God had more to gripe about than a bowl of cold porridge.

Indeed, one might think that Nanny had walked in on the Mrs. while she was arched up on her shoulder blades, and screaming ecstatically as she was being pounded by some other God, perhaps one of the Nordic interlopers who started making incursions into Indian country when the region’s Scandinavian invaders first arrived.

If that were the case on the particular night we speak of, and that particular Norse God happened to be Thor, Thunderheads were in for a battle royale, and Margot suspected it might be so.

So, when Daisy sat bolt uprigt when the first thunder clapper boomed above, Thunder Babe greeted the girl by saying, “Welcome back, Space Girl. It sounds like we’re in for a doozy, Daisy.”

Wide eyed and a little wooly headed, Space Daisy agreed, “Boy, does it ever?!”

“Such a shame. It looked and sounded like you were having one Hell of a trip, girl.”

“Boy, was I ever! It was crazy, even for Daisy.”

“Tell me,” Margot said with great expectations.

“So much strange! So cool.”

“Tell me!”

“I was just a little girl. Maybe four or five years old. But I was an African. I was in Africa. In some sorta refugee camp. I was so hungry. Starving. There were thousands of us little kids, all of us starving. Big beer bellies. Covered in mud, and shit, and flies.

“There was this old, white guy, with too many teeth for his mouth. And all them teeth were as white as a fresh blanket of snow, all shiny and sparkly. He musta paid a million bucks for a set of choppers like that, even though the dentist made too many teeth for his big mouth. Which was strange, ‘cause his head was as big as a beach ball. I guess the dentist never made a set of choppers for a mouth that big before.

“Anyway, the old, white guy was blabbering at us, telling us we could grow up to be anything we wanted to be. We could be rich and famous. We could be doctors, or lawyers, or even astronauts, which I found kinda funny, ‘cause I had to pass through the Horsehead Nebula to get to Africa, so I already was an astronaut.

“But none of us cared ‘bout none of that, ’cause all we wanted was food. And I was the only one that could speak English, anyway, and he was blabbering at us with that big, million dollar mouth of his in English.

“So, he was blabberin’ and blabberin’, and we was all just sayin’ ‘Food. Food. Hungry. Food’ But he wasn’t listenin’ to us, or maybe he was, ‘cause he was getting’ annoyed.

“But he just kept blabberin’ and blabberin’, like some kinda preacher, but he wasn’t offerin’ to fix what ails any of us, by puttin’ us into a trance and smackin’ us in the head with a Bible, and stealin’ our wallets.

“He kept tellin’ us to visualize where we wanted to be in life, a year from now.

“But we just kept sayin’ ‘Food. Food. Hungry. Food. Dyin’. Food.’ And then the girl who was sittin’ next to me in the dirt died. She just fuckin’ died, rigt there beside me, rigt in front of the dude who ain’t givin’ us no food.

“Then the dude who weren’t givin’ us no food said, ‘No. You don’t need food. If I give you food today, you will just be hungry again, tomorrow.

“So, I said, ‘WTF dude? We all gonna be dead tomorrow, if you don’t give us no fuckin’ food today.’ And all the kids just kept moanin’, ‘Food. Hungry. Dyin’ Food,’ And then the boy on the others side of me died. And then kids started dyin’ all over the place.

“And the vultures, hundreds of ‘em, was circlin’ above, and the flies were buzzin’ as loud as bumble bees.

“Then beach ball head got all snarky. He said, ‘Fuck it. I can’t help people who don’t want to help themselves.’

“Then he saw me, and noticed I was white. So he said, ‘Hey, you. You wanna come with me?’

“And I said, ‘Just bring us some fuckin; food, you fuckin’ rich cock sucker!’ But I guess he thought he was gonna play Jesus, for me, the white girl, ‘cause he walked down to where I was sittin’, in the dirt.

“He stepped around all the dead kids, and shook off the ones who were pawin’ at him with their scrawny little arms, and said, ‘Come with me, little girl. I will save you. I will teach you to think and grow rich.’

“So I spat on him. I spat as high as I could, tryin’ to get it rigt in his face, but it only reached as high as his crotch. And I said, ‘Fuck you,. Your father was a platypus. A one-amred lumberjack. And your mother was a bilge badger sherry lush, and she beat him with an avocado coloured toilet brush.’

“So beach ball head got all indignant like. He turned, and ran to his helicopter. It was baby blue, and had two foot tall letters on the side; U and N.

“And he opened the door, and jumped inside. That damn helicopter was fulla cash money. Musta been a billion bucks inside it.  They musta just robbed the biggest bank in whatever country we was in

“Then he flew up into the sky, and the blades of the helicopter shredded a buncha the buzzards, and they came rainin’ down on us.

“So, all the kids who was still alive started fightin’ over the dead buzzards, ‘cause we was so hungry, and they was just waitin’ for to eat us, so it was okay for us to eat them, even for me, even though I been vegan since I was born.”

When it was clear that Daisy had finished telling her tale, Margot said, “Wow! That’s really twisted, Daisy. Are you okay?”

Daisy shrugged her shoulders and gave Margot an assuring smile, “Yeah, I’m fine. It was all so real, and real intense, but it’s not like that’s my reality. That’s not my life. Hell, I am the Queen of La-di-da compared to the kids who live that shit every day of their lives. The fuck do I have to complain about?”

Margot nodded her head, and said, “And that’s when the thunder boomer blasted you back here?”

“Oh, Hell no, Miss Margot. That was just the start of the trip, I went to more weird places than that.”

“Tell me!”

135 – GABBA GABBA GOTCHA 2

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