“So, did you get any further on KILLGOD! ysternight,” Kitty wanted to know.

“No, I didn’t even try,” Lance admitted. “I was so smugly pleased with myself for figuring it out, even though it was accidental, that I just let my mind wander.”

“And where did that merry mind of your take you?”

The boy looked at the girl with a mischievous grin, and confessed, “My mind was all over Madonna.”

The girl found the confession amusing, and asked, “Were you surfing stepmother porn?”

“There’s so much of it out there. Funny that I’d never noticed it until we got here.”

“So, she’s doing it for you, is she?” Kitty asked, masking her concern.

“Oh, c’mon! She’s old enough to be my grandmother.”

“She is, but granny’s kept herself together very well. Good genes, a lot of working out, a bit of plastic surgery here, a bit of plastic surgery there, and she’s still a desirable grande dame, a fine old fox to frolic with. And she’s still Madonna, and you get a lotta locker room bragging rigts if you can honestly say you got jiggy with her.”

The boy conceded her point, “That’s all true, but it’s not the most exclusive club in the world. She’s been violated more times than the Puritan penal code was in Plymouth.”

“The Whore of Babylon does not adhere to the Puritan penal code, for sure. And why should she? And good on her. I hope she gets stuffed with cock until she goes to Hell.”

“Yeah, well, that’s the old man’s job, not mine.”

“It is,” Kitty agreed, “but you could exact no small measure of revenge on him by stealing her away, even if just for one night.”

“No doubt. But I’m not looking for revenge.”

“Really? It sure looks like you’re trying to punish him. I think he is sincere when he says he wants to talk.”

“Oh, I am punishing him, by denying him an opportunity to explain himself. To plead his case. If he thinks he’s just gonna bare his soul to me, and be forgiven, he’s got another thing coming. I plan to make the fucker stew in his guilt for a while. I don’t wanna hear it. Not rigt now, at east. If I have to listen to whatever bullshit he’s going to spew, when I give him a chance to spew it, I might just walk away from this, and this is bigger than me, or you, or us.”

“That’s impressive, Lance. It really is. You’ve got you big boy pants on.”  Lance shrugged, and gave her an ‘It’s no big deal’ look. Prying a little more, Kitty suggested,“Well, you can always fuck her, and keep it a secret, knowing it would drive him nuts if he found out. Guys are like that. ‘I fucked your bitch, she called me daddy.’”

“That’s funny! Her calling me daddy. Very funny. I’ll keep it in mind. But, if you have to know, I wasn’t really thinking about Madonna last night. I was thinking about Old Leather Pussy.”

“Ole Leather Pussy!” Kitty shrieked.

Old Leather Pussy!
Old Leather Pussy!
Rah rah raw!

Old leather Pussy!
Old Leather Pussy!

“Love it!” Lance Lear laughed. I may work that in.”

“Work that in?”

“I started writing a treatment for an Old Leather Pussy vs Bond, James Bond screenplay.”

“Ah ha! That’s what you were laughing about when I knocked.”

“It is. It’s funny.”

“Tell me!”


“I command you!”


Kitty flashed the titties.


Kitty shook the titties.

The boy reached for the titties.

Kitty put the titties away, and slapped the boy. And laughed. “Easy, tiger. Not yet.”

“When? When, when, when?”

“When the time is rigt, lover boy. All good things come to those who wait.”

“And wait, and wait, and wait?”

“And wait a little more.”

“How long? How long you make me wait, and wait, and wait? Why for you make me wait, and wait, and wait?”

“I’ve told you; until the time is rigt, and this ain’t then

“Well, then, no Old Leather Pussy for you until it’s hot and ready to eat.”

Kitty quickly feigned a pout, and said, “Besides, we don’t have time rigt now. The puckheads should be here soon.”

Lance gave it up, and moved on. “Did you get to Daffy’s border crossing routine?”

“No. Not yet. Why?”

“It involves the Canuckistani obsession with hockey.”

Kitty smiled, “Canuckistanis! Love it!”

Lance pulled it up.”You know weed is legal here, rigt?”

“I do.”

“Okay, so here’s how Americans are greeted when they legally enter Canada.”

Good day. What’s the purpose of your visit to Canada? You here to smoke marijuana?

Marijuana? No sir. I’m here to do a little fishing.

Which is a lie. He’s going up there to fuck some Eskimos, in one of them massive igloo whorehouses. But no red blooded American will ever admit to that.

Fishing, huh? You ever fired a gun?

Yes, sir.

You own a gun?

Yes, sir.

You a member of the NRA?

Yes, sir.

Hmmmm. You vote for Trump?

Yes, sir.

You a member of the Klan?

Yes, sir.

Hmmm. You ever fuck your sister?

Yes, sir. All three of ‘em.

Hmmm. You like hockey?

Love hockey! I just wish we were as good as y’all are.

Good answer! Welcome to Canada, buddy.

63 –



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