4 – THE WHORE OF BABYLON LIVES

 

Kitty turned on the radio, and raced back onto the road. The radio settled at the first station it came upon, where Belinda Carlisle was halfway through Heaven is a Place on Earth. This elicited a squeal of laughter from Kitty, who sang along,

In this world we’re just beginning
To understand the miracle of living
Maybe I was afraid before
I’m not afraid anymore

Kitty cranked the volume knob all the way to the rigt for the chorus, and sang at the top of her lungs,

Ooh, baby, do you know what that’s worth?
Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth
They say that in Heaven, love comes first
We’ll make Heaven a place on Earth
Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth

Kitty turned the volume knob back to the left, and laughed, “Not on this Earth, baby. Maybe you didn’t get the memo.”

Lance smiled at the black eyed vixen and laughed, “No, I guess not.” He paused a second, then asked, “What were you and my deadbeat dad on about? Israeli spyware.”

Kitty shrugged, “No surprise to anyone who has been paying much attention. Our phones. They’re hacked and tracked. Our locations, what we’re saying. The Israelis have checked the phones of those afflicted. They found every phone that was in close physical proximity to someone with the virus. They’ve sent texts to those people, telling them to get tested.”

“Or get rounded up.”

“Yes, that would be the alternative. I imagine the spyware is being used all over the planet. The Israelis are just the first to ‘fess up.”

“And dear, old dad has the same spyware.?”

“Evidently. As he says, he has friends in weird places. That’s why he called,. He knew I had you.”

“He has my phone number. Fuck.”

“He’s been keeping an eye on you, since he became aware of your existence.”

“And how long ago was that?”

“Dunno. You’ll have to ask him yourself. But, from what I can put together, he just got his hands on the spyware data. Same with your phone number. He told me whereabouts you were, or might be, based on your online activity, a couple days ago. So, I drove around in circles for a while, until he told me to get out on the highway, where I found you. I have to assume that means he just got his hands on your phone tracking data. Maybe called in a favour from one of his friends in weird places.”

“That’s impressive.”

Kitty nodded in agreement. Lance lapsed into contemplative silence. He was pissed, but he was trying to suppress his anger. Trying to change his impetuous ways.

The girl let him be, and turned her attention back to the radio, where Joan Osborne was telling anyone who could hear her that God is great. The song tailed off, and the DJ came up.

“Indeed, what if God was one of us? Just a slob like one of us? Just a stranger on a bus, trying to make his way home, like a holy, rolling stone, back up to Heaven all alone, just trying to make his way home, nobody calling on the phone, ‘cept for the Pope, maybe, in Rome? I believe, brothers and sisters, that God gave that song to sister Joan, to remind us to be good to each other, because the person you turn your back to, just might be God himself.”

Kitty giggled, “Amen, brother. Hallelujah. Praise the lord, and pass the ammunition. Allah fucking akbar.”

“What do you think about that, Christian,” the DJ asked his sidekick.

Kitty attempted an interjection, “Ask him the other thing. What Jane asked. If you had just one question, what would you ask him?”

“What would you ask God, Kitty,” Lance asked.

“You wanna take a break, and let me handle the world for a while, big guy? I think you should. You’re doing a shitty job.”

“That’s good!”

“If you don’t think you can do a better job than God, get in line with the rest of the idolaters to take communion.”

“And get some cold, hard out for the collection plate. Those cookies cost money.”

“Amen.”

Back on the radio, after a longish think about it, Christian said, “I think I’m gonna pass this one to our brother who runs the newsroom, here at 102.7 FM. KVSS, the Catholic communicator, rigt in the heart of God’s country, Papillion, Nebraska. So, I ask you, our brother from a Mexican mother, Jesus Christian, what do you think? What news does the good Lord have for us today.”

Jesus came in with a sigh. “Bad news, I’m afraid, brothers Christian and Christian. It is said that the Lord works in mysterious ways, and more evidence of that has just raced around the world. The Lord has decided to spare the filthy whore of Babylon herself, Madonna.  The whore posted on her Twitter account that she has made a full recovery from the Coronavirus, and the Tweet was confirmed by her doctors in a follow up Tweet.”

“Wow!” said one of the Christians. “What does it mean? Can God actually be losing this battle with Satan?”

“Heck, no,” said the other Christian. “Have faith, brother, and be resolute. God has a plan. I think it simply means that Madonna will die another day. When it suits God.”

With that, Christian hit play, and Madge herself came on, saying it was, more or less, so.

I’m gonna wake up, dress up and go
I’m gonna kiss some part of
I’m gonna keep this secret
I’m gonna close my body now
I guess I’ll die another day
I guess I’ll die another day
I guess I’ll die another day
I guess I’ll die another day…

Madonna snapped Lance out of his contemplation, and he followed along to the song, bopping his head, getting into the groove. “Bond,” he said. “Madonna. Bond. James Bond.”

Kitty sensed that he was cogitating something. Something fun, judging by the smirk on the boy’s face. Kitty’s a prescient little kitty cat! She let Lance ruminate for a few more seconds, but curiosity got the best of her, and she had to ask, “What?”

Lance smiled, from ear to ear. “She’d make a great Bond villain.”

“Madonna?”

“Hell, yeah! Old Leather Pussy!”

The two of them roared laughter, and the gleeful girl high fived the funny boy.

5 – PARTY TIME! EXCELLENT!

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