“I think Jack Ma just ‘open-sesamed’ Pandora’s Box,” Kitty said.

“I can’t believe the CPC let him do it.”

“Maybe the CPC came up with it, put a gun to his head, literally, and made him do it?” Kitty ventured.

Lance first heard the name Jack  Ma while studying Richard Branson. Branson, Lance figured, was the billionaire most likely to understand, and bankroll his Commonwealth idea. Branson had once passed along Ma’s advice on hiring policies to his followers. Ma’s advice was to not hire the most qualified person, but to hire the craziest one. Lance loved that advice, and started following the Alibaba founder.

“Plausible,” Lance said. “More than plausible, actually. Unless Ma’s stuffing copious quantities of batshit crazy stir fry into his maw.”

“Nice one!”

“That makes sense. Ma is the best known Chinese biz wiz on the planet. More or less universally respected, and admired in business circles the world over. I find it hard to believe that Ma would do this, unless he literally had a gun held to his head.”

“Does he have kids?”


“Well, there you have it,” said Kitty. “They’re holding his kids hostage. And this is tantamount to a declaration of war. Trade war, that is.”

Lance shook his head, and said, “Wow! MAKE AMERICA GO AWAY vs MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN. Beijing is asking the rest of the world, ‘Which side are you on, boys?’”

“I remember,” Kitty said, “reading that, during the last Gulf War, or maybe that should be the most recent Gulf war, that people in France had little American flags on toothpicks, and they were sticking them into dog shit.”

Laughing, Lance asked, “Was that their reaction to the good ol’ boys renaming French fries freedom fries?”

“Maybe,” Kitty laughed.

“Well, these new MAGA hats are a lot bigger than dog shit on freedom fries.”

“Freedom fries,” Kitty scoffed, with a chuckle. She quickly let it go, and moved on. “China really is a monster. Filthy, heartless, commie bastards.”

“Has there ever been any other kind of commies?”

“No, I guess not. Not once they get their hands on the means of production, anyway.”

“Yugoslavia maybe?” lance offered.

“Yugoslavia died along with Tito, forty years ago, It just took a coupe decades of ugliness to finally bury the communist corpse. Same thing has been going on in Venezuela since Chavez died.”


“Try dissenting from the state in Cuba and find out. They didn’t even let their citizens travel outside the country until 2013. They had a built in Berlin wall of water around the country, so no need to build a solid wall to keep ’em in.”

Having no counter to Kitty Kaboodle’s arguments, Lance Lear leered at her for ten seconds, before saying, “China’s a monster, but it’s a monster we made. Or played a big hand in making, at least” Kitty waited, and Lance continued. “They said only Nixon could go to China. And he did. That’s when it started.”

“When what started?”


“In the 70s?”

Lance shrugged, “Yeah. The globalists play the long game. What Nixon started, Clinton finished. China got Most Favoured Nation status in the mid 90s. That’s when China started becoming CHINA. Investments poured into China, and before you knew it, everything everyone was buying was made in China.”

“And the monster has grown and grown, and can no longer be controlled?”

“So it seems. Their New Silk Road project will open markets for them from Beijing to Istanbul. And a trillion dollar infrastructure investment will buy a lot of friends.”

“All of them wearing Ma’s new MAGA hats.”

“He really will sell a hundred million of the things. They’ll be everywhere. I wonder how that’s gonna play with the troops stationed overseas. Everywhere they go, they will be greeted by YANKEE GO HOME.”

Kitty pondered that for a second, then let it go. “But what about the virus? How do you think it started?”

“Oh, I have no idea. Science is not my thing. What do you think?”

“I’ll go with people eating bats, for now. But it’s something rigt out of one of your father’s books.”

That struck a chord with Lance. “Maybe dear, old, deadbeat dad did it. Maybe he got one, or more, of his other illegitimate children, in China to create it. And they did it without the CPC knowing anything about it.”

This amused Kitty. “Yeah, maybe. Maybe you have half siblings all around the world, and the time has come to bring you all in on his most fiendish plotline ever.”

“What do you know about all this, anyway?”

“I already told you, not much. And nothing I can tell you. I just knew, as soon as he contacted me, that it was… rigt. And good. I just knew.”

“How do you know?”

“I don’t know. I just know.”




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freedom fries