10 – MAGA


At the top of the hour, NPR lead their news report with a bizarre twist in the ongoing blame game propaganda war between China and Mairka.

“Jack Ma, The founder of Alibaba, the Chinese equivalent of Amazon, has announced that starting today he will be selling MAGA baseball caps. But there’s a twist. Ma’s version of the red hats will read MAKE AMERICA GO AWAY, not MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.”

The news anchor actually emitted a quick chuckle when she read the lead. She quickly composed herself and continued.

“The multi-billionaire will donate half the profits from the enterprise to laboratories around the world that are relentlessly trying to create drugs that will prevent, treat and cure the virus. The other half of the profits will be awarded to the first labs that produce  verified solutions. Ma, who will match sales dollar for dollar with is own money, estimates that he will sell at least one hundred million of the hats, which will retail for ten dollars, and can be purchased at MAKE AMERICA GO AWAY DOT COM. Ma summed up his message in four words, ‘Money talks, bullshit walks.’”

Kitty and Lance were laughing maniacally.

“Ma says the venture will double as a message to America as the country heads toward the November election, ‘The bottom line, America, is that the rest of the world is tired of your shit. Don’t get us wrong, we love Americans, but we are sick to death of your government perpetually trying to conquer the rest of the world, one way or another. We kindly ask candidates, and voters to take this message seriously, and sincerely, when considering the foreign policy of the next administration. God bless America… and the rest of the world, if you don’t mind, please and thank you.’”

“The White House has not yet responded, but political pundits around the world are unanimous in their opinion that President Trump will not be amused. The pundits tell us all to brace ourselves for a blitzkrieg of histrionic Tweets from the President.”

Kitty and Lance were still laughing maniacally.

“Ma hastened to point out that he does not believe that America sent COVID–19 infested soldiers to Wuhan City, where people were first infected. This puts Ma at odds with the Communist Party of China, which has leveled the allegation repeatedly for the last month. Beijing continues to tell the world that the virus came to China with the 300 strong American team sent to participate in the World Military Games last October. The Chinese say the only question is whether the infected troops were sent deliberately, or accidentally. But in an act of solidarity with Ma’s initiative, the Chinese government has declared that it will cover the shipping costs of the hats to every corner of the world, including Antarctica, and will even send one to any astronaut currently manning the International Space Station.

Kitty and Lance were still laughing maniacally.

“Political experts say this may be a watershed moment for the Communist Party, which is usually quick to punish any citizen who dares to fall out of lockstep. Constitutional experts in America agree that citizens  who wear one of the hats will be free to do so under the First Amendment, even Colin Kaepernick. However, they do worry that the most ardent defenders of the Second Amendment will arbitrarily decide to veto the rigt to freedom of speech, and take justice into their own hands, and God help any illegal alien, or tourist who is caught wearing one.”

Kitty and Lance were still laughing maniacally.

“Ma’s strange gambit comes less than a month after the CIA stated, categorically, that a meme that caused an uproar in the United States, had been created on a Chinese government computer. The four panel meme shows the CORONAVIRUS at four different levels of magnification. In the first panel the molecule looked exactly like the actual virus itself, with red spikes coming off the round, white surface. However, the final panel clearly shows that the red spikes are President Trump’s official MAGA hats.”

Kitty and Lance were still laughing maniacally.




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