METHODS and MADNESS of a MEDIA MONSTER

1983

a young man clad only in a pair of shorts and looking, according to a watchman, “like Jesus himself,” attended the corporate and administrative services committee meeting.

1987

Meanwhile, about 200 protesters hauled a six-metre replica of a missile to International Trade Minister Pat Carney’s office in downtown Vancouver Tuesday but found the minister’s staff was out for lunch.

1988

The judge said Salmi’s behavior had made it “obvious that he has no respect for the law . . . . He seems to think he’s a law unto himself.”

1989

Vancouver city police dragged four Greenpeace members out of the Beach Avenue offices of the Sea Festival to end a two-hour sit-in Wednesday protesting the arrival of a U.S. warship they said is nuclear-armed.

1992

Salmi, 29, and Blight, 25 want to sell 120 lottery tickets at $10 each for one week of their services. According to the RCMP, the case has been referred over to Crown counsel, who will make a decision about whether to bring charges.

1993

Thus, Mr. Salmi has proved that he is not really a political activist, not even a humorist, merely a vandal, attacking Canada’s democratic institutions for no purpose.

1994

“When I first heard about this guy, I thought someone was pulling my leg,” said Ron Marcoux, President and CEO of McDonald’s Western Canada. “This guy is a real kook.”

1995

The Vancouver police evidently felt the passage, published three weeks before the riot, was more responsible for it than their own tear-gas volleys and baton charges, delivered without warning when the crowd got unruly.

1996

The first time Salmi did this he went to Granville Street, found a hippie (the definition is unclear), tore a $50 bill in half and promised him the other half if he showed up at the Niagara that night. When he showed, Salmi says he covered him in hockey gear and for a dollar allowed patrons to take a whack at him with dried-out children’s hockey sticks

1997

I’m amazed that an individual would even try to pass off such wickedly hateful views as humor

1998

Today the News of the World can piece together the astonishing events of Tuesday, December 8 and reveal exactly how Salmi tried to con a nation.

1999

If Zippy the Circus Chimp wants to run for mayor of Vancouver this year, he may have to pay for the privilege. Same with Frank the Moose, the Trash Terminator, Buzz and Barb E. Doll.

2000

Smokeman (a.k.a. Brian Salmi) — a self-described superhero — arrived in Prince George from Vancouver Tuesday to defend the rights of smokers against the “tyranny of the Workers’ Compensation Board.”

2001

Leave aside the fact that Salmi filed the petition dressed in a green cape, white longjohns, green glitter boots with a five- centimetre heel and a toilet paper roll strapped to his head. Forget that Salmi argued his case before a B.C. Supreme Court justice dressed in a T-shirt painted with a Superman-styled S painted over his white longjohns. And try not to think about the fact that Sa Tan is the self-described anarchist’s legal name.

2002

The Speaker asked Mr. Salmi, and his editor, if in providing any future coverage, “were they prepared to show some respect for the institution of parliament?” The answer was “in the negative” and at that point talks broke down. But Mr. Salmi and his editor refused to leave the Speaker’s office, whereupon security staff were summoned, the two were handcuffed, arrested and escorted from the building.

2003

City hall would like the Sultan of Fun job to go to someone with a masters degree and 10 years in the festival racket. “Neither P.T Barnum or Walt Disney would make the cut,” Salmi says.

2004

Next thing, he was standing behind cardboard voting station No. 23 ripping his ballot into bite-size morsels and washing them down with water.

2005

A man who used to call himself Godzilla then later legally changed his name to Sa Tan to sound like “satan” is accusing the Yukon government of defaming his character.

2007

After a spoiled coup attempt in the Yukon, Salmi took roost in Montreal long enough to write a book about some of his Vancouver adventures, personal, political and journalistic — and it’s a hellzapoppin’ extravaganza.